Herman Kaufman, Attorney at Law Review


If you want to hire an old, barely competent, toothless, homeless, garrulous old man who can’t even remember what he had for breakfast, let alone how to tie his own shoes in the morning or put on a tie, then herman kaufman attorney at law is the toolbag for you. This man is so senile, so clueless, that he has a perpetual spitball on his lower left lip no doubt from the severe dementia and syphilis that is afflicting his crazed and broken brain after decades of hard alcohol, beating his wife and kids, and being an all around dick to his clients. He will however, snatch your money from your fingers faster than a rabbit fucks. Attorney herman kaufman will leave you at the courthouse, and literally walk away from you in the middle of trial, because he is a cranky old codger and incompetent lawyer who does not know his own asshole from his own elbow. He will openly defame and badmouth and backstab you loudly in front of the entire courthouse, in front of your adversaries and to the judge. He will call you racist names and never take your phone calls or answer your questions. He routinely forgets your name, and your papers, and is never prepared for court on your behalf. Just like they put old horses and cows out to pasture when they can no longer provide services, so too should herman kaufman lose his license to practice law and forever sit in his house in bumblefuck connecticut. He will do more harm than good on your case, and he is as senile and incompetent as it comes. He will actually inspire your adversary with confidence because, he is just that bad. He smells like stale mothballs, and looks like death himself. If you want to win your legal case, then do not hire this incompetent cranky old fart. Instead look elsewhere.

This review (Herman Kaufman, Attorney at Law Review) was originally published at Holy Smoke !.

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